


Hijack- Disney Style

by GMNASAI



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Aladdin (1992) Fusion, Alternate Universe - Frozen (2013) Fusion, Alternate Universe - The Princess and the Frog (2009) Fusion, Beauty and the Beast Elements, Cinderella Elements, Evil Laughter, Hiccup is a Princess, Jack is a prince, Little Mermaid Elements, M/M, Narrator is kinda an OC, Narrator is new, Not quite Disney, Rapunzel Elements, Sleeping Beauty Elements, Snow White Elements, They are so grumpy about their new roles, Unreliable Narrator, what even are tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 04:49:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13674594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GMNASAI/pseuds/GMNASAI
Summary: Fae Ritale has no idea what she's doing. It's all Man in Moons fault. If he hadn't made so many plot holes in the stories than everything would still be okay and Grimm wouldn't be messing around with the Darkness of the original stories and she'd be mentoring as the Superior Narrator and Fae would still be the new Guardian on the block. But no, instead Fae is the Narrator! And she has no idea what the hell she is doing. To make things worse she has to deal with the two new guys who are supposed to be taking up the Princess and Prince mantel but they're too busy trying to get out of the story instead of just working with her. Manny help Fae because if she can't fix this then the stories Walt Disney purified will go plummeting back into the dark ages when they were influenced by the Darkness.





	Hijack- Disney Style

**Author's Note:**

> Fae Ritale has no idea what she's doing. It's all Man in Moons fault. If he hadn't made so many plot holes in the stories than everything would still be okay and Grimm wouldn't be messing around with the Darkness of the original stories and she'd be mentoring as the Superior Narrator and Fae would still be the new Guardian on the block. But no, instead Fae is the Narrator! And she has no idea what the hell she is doing. To make things worse she has to deal with the two new guys who are supposed to be taking up the Princess and Prince mantel but they're too busy trying to get out of the story instead of just working with her. Manny help Fae because if she can't fix this then the stories Walt Disney purified will go plummeting back into the dark ages when they were influenced by the Darkness.

Once upon a time-

Ugh we have to start this shit again?

Will you be quiet, I am telling the story.

It’s not much of a story. What’s the moral of this story again? Don’t lose your shoes at a ball or a creepy prince will track you down and return it and make you his queen? What kind of plot is that?

It’s not just about the shoes. It’s about overcoming a your fears and standing up for what you believe in and always hoping-

Oh please, when have you ever seen a real life romance play out like a fairytale?

With the right maintenance I believe any couple could have their happy ending. {Ehem} Once upon a time in a far off kingdom in a small chateau-

Are you serious? When’s the last time you saw someone fall in love at a dance and actually have the dedication to stalk her? Better yet, when’s the last time you saw a woman change for a man? And do kids even know what a chateau is?

In a small house there lived a man, his wife and daughter. And though they were a small family they were very happy.

You know what I don’t understand about this dribble? Why would a man who spent the evening with a beautiful woman suddenly forget her face and its features and only focus on her feet? Did he have a foot fetish?

I’m never going to finish this. Why do you want to nitpick now? Fifty years and you haven’t said anything until now. Why are you ruining my narration?

There are so many fucking loop holes! He spent about three hours with her and he couldn’t remember her face? Never mind the fact that he NEVER got her name? What did people just randomly go falling in love with random strangers every time someone beautiful walked past?

It’s a story about simpler times when hope and wishing were used to lighten the darkness of the Ages.

Bull shit. It’s called a crush that escalates to stalking and a nationwide manhunt. I mean even if he couldn’t remember her features there were how many other guests there and ALL OF THEM were so ‘enraptured by her beauty’ that none of them recognized her as the scullery maid of Lady so-so? He did invite the whole kingdom did he not?

A good bath and makeup along with clothes will change a girl. You should know that better than anyone. And I don’t think everyone in the kingdom would have gone out dancing. I’m pretty sure the baby-sitters had to stay and watch the children.

True. But even so, NO ONE recognized her at all? I mean I doubt she could have gone, what was it nineteen years, without a friend who wasn’t human without that friend at least knowing who she was and blabbing in the hopes that their friend would get away from their cruel stepmother and into a better life.

For the sake of this argument let’s say the fairy cast an enchantment on the woman and therefore no one recognized her.

All magic has a chink in the armor. You should know that. But let’s say we go with that thinking then therein lies the other issue I have with this tale. No one else in the entire kingdom had the same size foot? I have small feet and I know you and at least a dozen more fairies share the same size.

The shoe could have magically changed it’s size to match only the original owners foot?

Wouldn’t that make the fairy who made them the original owner?

{Sigh} Not if the fairy gave them away as a gift.

I’ll give on that but in the original version don’t the step sisters cut off their toe and heel? Wouldn’t the shoe just shrink or enlarge so that it too wouldn’t fit their feet making mutilation a moot point?

…You know what? Fuck this shit. Grimm is out! I’m joining the Darkness and just ruining the stories. I am not dealing with this shit any more. Find another mentor because I. Am. Done!

Well shit.

…

Um, Man in Moon? Man? Manny? What do I do now? Hello? We never covered this in orientation and I’m still new to this narrating gig!

Great.

...

Whoa! What’s happening? What’s happening?

{GASP}

MAN IN MOON!

Yeah about that- I didn’t mean to nitpick it’s just a few very obvious loopholes and they seemed like big problems when you think about all the ways the story could have gone wrong. I mean really…

…

…

WHAT?! NO! I WILL NOT DO THIS!

I can’t! I’m not an ON I’m just the trainee!

Well yeah I know the stories but I can’t narrate them! Especially when so many of them simply do not make sense.

…

What do you mean a trial run?

{Gasp} Man in Moon! I can’t do that!

I’ll give you three good reasons. One I’m not even into my second week of training. Two, I am not equipped to deal with the Darkness of the original stories and Three, I can’t just pluck a random stranger out of the time stream and have them do this.

…

But-

…

…

…

Okay okay okay! I’ll do it. But who will serve as the surrogates? I can’t tell a story without the prince and princess and their various cohorts. I don’t even have full clearance to see the time stream let alone just reach in and grab random people!

…

Who?

…

Pfft! What kind of a name is Hiccup?! And Jack Frost? Seriously?

…

…

Okay, I just hope you know what you’re doing by trusting this kind of thing to me.

Thanks! So how do I get this started?

Hello?!

…

Great. How does he expect me to do this without instructions? Well, maybe if I just use this.

{A silent boom sounded as The Complete Grimm Fairytales Book was opened and out rushed a swirl of lights and balls of darkness before the book was shut by the Trainee Narrator}

Well fuck!

…

…

Okay, let’s just take this whole thing one story at a time. One page at a time. One paragraph at a time. One word at a time. {Clears throat and opens the large thick tome to the first story}

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful young girl- I mean boy- whose father loved him very much... I am so going to destroy this by accident.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to lie this is mainly going to be a hobby. A place where my stressed brain can just relax and worry about the intricacies of Disney versus Brothers Grimm and all the plot holes I can exploit and rewrite using Jack Frost and Hiccup Haddock III. That said if you have any ideas you'd like to give then go a head and PM me.


End file.
